Pilar Velila Flores
Being taken care of is essential at every stage of our lives. In the womb, we need our mother’s attentive care in order to survive. Once born, we need our parents’ gentle care, their guidance, and their help to learn. As teenagers – even though we think we don’t need anybody and can take care of ourselves – we still need our parents’ advice and presence in order to become the men and women of tomorrow. As adults, we not only need to take care of ourselves – sometimes because our health isn’t what it used to be – but we also need to care for our elders, who have started needing help. In our twilight years, we will have to “let ourselves be cared for,” which is not always easy. After all, it can be tough to admit that we are not as independent as we once were.
Often, we suddenly find ourselves in need of others’ care, much like Isabel Sánchez who fought a battle with cancer and was inspired to publish a book about it, entitled Cuidarnos, en busca del equilibrio entre la autonomía y la vulneradura (2024, Ed. Espasa) (in English: “Taking care of ourselves, in search of a balance between autonomy and vulnerability”).
Through keen observation, in the initial pages of her book, Sánchez breaks down the various stages of her illness. She notes that behind a negative diagnosis, there is an interconnectedness of factors that have a lot to do with the “art of care.”
Following a personal anecdote about picking out her wig, after having lost her hair during chemotherapy, the author identifies “The 5 Cs of care”: Compassion, competence, building trust, confidence, awareness (in Italian “building trust” and “awareness” also begin with the letter C: creare fiducia and consapevolezza). These are the five pillars of a fascinating world begging to be explored, which the author delves into from quite a personal point of view.
In her book, Sánchez delves into the lives of people from all different walks of life and describes their connection with care – even in the worst circumstances, highlighting how a simple gesture can change the course of history. The virtue of resilience stands out in every testimony, enabling one to overcome adversity and find something good in the midst of suffering and pain.
Inside the unfathomable world of caring lies one concrete characteristic: self-care. The phrase “You have to take care of yourself first in order to care for others” bears great wisdom. This is exactly how Sánchez explains it when she writes about the need to fully take care of oneself, physically, materially, mentally, and spiritually.
The author suggests practicing meditation, mindful eating, gratitude, effective communication, establishing a routine, and setting healthy habits – essentially, leading as orderly a life as possible.
Undoubtedly, all of these practices deeply affect the idea of self-knowledge. Knowing ourselves helps us protect ourselves from that which harms not only our bodies, but also our souls. To understand how we are feeling, truly, we must first accept our own vulnerability and recognize that we are dependent beings.
In later chapters, Sánchez elaborates on the chaos that the lack of care produces in our society. An increase of broken families, unborn children, and rampant loneliness are issues that are tied together by a common thread: We believe we are self-sufficient individuals, that we do not need each other, and, therefore, we are somewhat selfish. We focus only on pleasure and turn our backs on suffering and pain. The superficiality of the wellness industry doesn’t help either, as sooner or later we will have to bear some cross, and we better have the resources to handle it.
As a society, we invest more money on death than on life, because we want to avoid the problems that a person in need of care can bring us. We don’t realize that if we seek individual well-being, we will experience loneliness in our pain and suffering.
The society Sánchez hopes to see is similar to a tribe, where communities truly support those within it and where each person’s suffering is alleviated. In this regard, the writer takes a look at the home-front, the first place we are cared for and the place that welcomes us in our vulnerability. This is where a paradox arises: We yearn for the shelter of home, but without making any effort to care for our loved ones. Maybe this is why home is not given the value it deserves, but this is a conversation for another day…
Today, practicing caregiving with our families involves being mindful of technology as well. It is no secret that technology has entered our lives to stay, but that does not mean we should ignore its downsides. Sánchez speaks openly about social networks and the damage they can do to one’s self-esteem and mental health, especially among young people. As parents, we should set limits in this area and present, in an enticing way, other pastimes. Parents lead by example, too, of course.
Another issue that Sánchez brings to the forefront is the reconciliation of time with family and time spent working. There is still a long way to go to provide families with concrete measures to help them manage this delicate balance between work and family. The author suggests a series of proposals for institutions to take care of their employees and be responsible for their families at the same time, as it would benefit both the institutions and their employees.
After offering this comprehensive approach to the topic of care, Sánchez finally names the “great caregiver,” God, who gave us life and an earth in which we can care for one another. One human that truly stands out is Jesus of Nazareth, with his teachings of love and peace – which have much to do with care – that still hold true more than 2,000 years later. The author also emphasizes all the good that the Church has done throughout history, through various initiatives aimed at helping others.
Furthermore, Sánchez devotes a chapter to the topic of forgiveness, which can bring relief to both the offender and the offended. She clarifies that forgiveness does not mean forgetting or justifying the harm done, but rather consists in taking a step forward by letting go of resentment and vendettas.
The last pages are a call to action. It refers to the “care revolution,” in which everyone recognizes the real responsibility he has for caring for the other, a propensity that is inherent in human beings. According to the author, we are responsible for the continuity of the human being himself.
And how can this responsibility be put into practice? By being available and willing to lend a hand. Let’s put an end to the temptation of thinking only about ourselves. Doing so, we will be happier, after all!
