Pilar Velilla Flores
The word “home” designates a place where a person lives with others with a sense of security and calm. These are the minimum characteristics of such a human space according to Wikipedia.es. Actually, home is much more than a safe space. But let’s leave the definitions aside for now.
Unfortunately, creating a home is not trendy. Either because young people think they have to make the most of the time they have before being “tied up”, or because of their fear of commitment, the fact is that home is associated with lack of freedom and boredom.
However, men and women need and seek that sense of security that comes from having a place to return to. Sooner or later, they realize that creating a family and putting down roots is what really gives security and comfort.
I propose some ideas as a fruit of my personal experience, made of successes and mistakes, of how to transmit that beauty of creating a home.
The first idea is the importance of the example. Those of us who embraced the adventure of being married and having children have the joyful moral duty to show the truth of this commitment. And we should do it without tiring sermons or solemn words. The example leads, the example seduces. An image is worth more than a thousand words. If the others see us happy in spite of difficulties and problems, we will be giving a kind image of what it means to create a home.
Bringing guests home, having the doors always open, is another valuable feature of making a home. A home is not a closed environment that isolates. Friends, family, anyone should be welcome home.
Again, the example is closely related to this idea. If they see us and like what they see, they will wish to copy it.
Another fundamental aspect is creating traditions. And I don’t mean just celebrating the usual traditions – for example, the nativity scene at Christmas – but also creating new ones that are specific to each family: the family film and pizza on Fridays, the special breakfast on each birthday, etc. There should be traditions that invite you to stay at home. And if possible, they should be amusing.
Believe it or not, order and organization at home also have a positive influence on creating a home. Establish routines. Do “DIY“. Make feel the others comfortable at home. If we have everything upside down, without rhyme or reason, our mood will also be “untidy”. And we unlikely will feel like coming home, inviting people over. These are not my words; the “order gurus” who are so trendy now say it too. Even these influencers, modern prophets of order, talk a lot about having less things, breaking the patterns of this consumerist vortex that invades people in developed countries.
And, closely linked to this point, there is the value of shared domestic tasks. If we show to both boys and girls from a young age the beauty of creating a home through assignments, such as setting the table, taking out the garbage, cooking… we are teaching them that home belongs to everyone and it must be taken care of.
“Everything is celebrated at home.” A good grade, an engagement, a graduation has to be celebrated. It does not matter what it is. The point is to celebrate the good news and make the person who shares it feel special. Celebration is synonymous with joy, union and feast.
Avoiding jokes
against marriage and family is also a good help. These jokes do nothing but underestimate commitment and real Love. Any examples? “The keys to marriage are ESC for the man and CTRL for the woman,” implying that the woman exerts control over the man and the man escapes from his commitments. They may be funny, but they do not help anyone who is hesitating to start a family.
Also, when the children are bigger, it is good for them to spend a few days in a camp or a volunteer activity outside, so that they miss the comforts of having a home.
A good marriage and family communication is necessary, with assertiveness as the banner. If we express our needs with kindness within the four walls, we will speak about our families with respect and gratitude when talking to others. And one thing must be clear, and that is that dirty laundry is washed at home. It’s one thing to tell a friend about our problems, but it’s quite another to let go of everything that happens at the first sign of trouble.
And inside the house, it is important that there is a place to let off steam, a place where mom or dad, even a brother or sister, can be found. Even if, as the wise Leopoldo Abadía says in his conferences, “at home, you have to keep the window down at all times” for the children, for your spouse or for friends…
And of course, last but not least, home must be a place of affection and forgiveness, as in the parable of the prodigal son. It should be a place to return to because you are loved for who you are, not for what you have or for your successes.
