Adoptions by gay couples: ideologies aside, what about the reality?

Undoubtedly, men or women living in same-sex relationships often feel a desire to have children.

It is worth listening to and understanding the suffering of those who, finding themselves in a situation of this kind, must perhaps give up the ‘dream’ of becoming parents. ‘Desires’ cannot be the only consideration when deciding whether it is right or not to entrust a child to a same-sex couple. The happiness of two adults is not the only thing at stake; the children deserve particular attention here, because they have no say in the matter.

On 26^th January, the Italian Senate begins a debate on civil unions based on the Legislative Decree -proposed by the ruling majority party (PD) and with the opposition of the minority supporting PD’s government- and will return to further talks on the issue of ‘ gay adoptions’ in the Parliament. Public opinion is heated by the debate in Italy. A multiple city demonstration by gay adoption supporters was held on past Sunday, a massive bigger one is expected in Rome next Sunday, the Family Day 3.

We wonder: will the rights of children be the focus of the political debate? Will the issue be addressed by anthropologists, psychiatrists, psychologists and sociologists before a decision is made? Or will it be abandoned due to ‘intimidation’ from the pressing media?

Politicians will be asking themselves whether ‘fatherhood’ and ‘motherhood’ exist as distinct but complementary ways of being parents, and whether a child needs both figures, a father and a mother, to grow well. It should not be taken for granted that the issue will be addressed and analysed in all respects; there is a risk of everyone getting carried away on the wave of emotion.

We live in an era where science is idolised, yet it is surprising how science can be put aside in the name of another ‘divinity’: freedom. Indeed, according to a typically modern conception, all that individual liberty suggests is ‘right’, and all that the subject feels inside himself is ‘good’. We have to admit, though, that since a law does not only concern the private, personal sphere, it cannot therefore be subjective: its validity, in fact, does not only extend to those who ‘feel’ or ‘think’ in a certain way, but to the whole society, without exception.

The doubts of science and the points of view of the children

When there is news of two homosexuals who have adopted a child, the deed is often presented as an achievement, a sign of civilization, a gesture of openness. However, behind the published opinion that comes across as unanimous and favourable, there are still doubts on the part of psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, psychologists and paediatricians, who unanimously believe that a child needs a mother and a father. There is an article published by Documentazione.info, ‘Adozioni a coppie gay: tutti ragionevoli dubbi della scienza’ (Gay adoptions: All the reasonable doubts of science), which presents data and research on the subject. Some time ago Familyandmedia has published an open letter to the gay community written by a loving daugther parented by two mothers.

Earlier, we published the book review  Out from Under: The Impact of Homosexual Parenting, by Dawn Stefanowicz , which tells the painful story of the long, difficult healing process – internal, psychic and spiritual – to overcome the traumas of living with an immoral father, emotional blackmail, and hiding one’s feelings. It took years of maturity – along with the real love of her husband and three children – for the author to understand, absorb, and forgive the evil inflicted on her, and save the good given by her parents, voluntarily or not. As the book testifies, established ties, although frayed, do not break. They are certainly not assured a priori for any family, but do we want to look the other way and sacrifice the good of children on the altar of a blind idea? Ideology does not take account of reality, unlike truth and mercy, which are related to the single person without giving in individual or collective self-deception. The law under discussion is not good; and if approved, it will be very harmful.

To form an opinion on the subject, you must listen to what those who are involved in a direct way have to say; to those who have really had two mothers or two fathers, and who are not just part of an advertising campaign, ideologues, or in a film.