Five ways social media poorly affects romantic relationships

A tool in itself is…a tool. It’s the way it’s used that determines its value, for good o for bad. This applies to social networks, too, which can help us to grow closer to others and to have a sense of solidarity, or, on the contrary, drive us apart, divide us, and leave our relationships devoid of meaning.

Let’s ask ourselves for just a moment: what do social networks allow us to do? And, at the same time, if misused, how do they keep us from living?

We would like to reflect on the danger of relying too much on social networks to build bonds and, in particular, to highlight five ways social networks disadvantage romantic relationships.

1. Short-lived relationships are more likely with social networks

There are those who generally accuse the internet – and specifically social networks – of being one of the main causes of cheating in relationships. There are countless chatrooms or sites to meet people where one can look for opportunities to build relationships that are not emotionally demanding or allow one to “escape” from real relationships (which are therefore more tiring!).

A first risk – if two people get to know each other online and basically keep the relationship alive that way – is that of basing the relationship on superficiality and getting used to a relationship that isn’t so much work, because it’s non-binding.

 2. Social networks make it easier to cheat since everything’s just a click away

As we have already noted in our other article “Social networks and cheating: how can we resist temptation?,” according to 80% of lawyers registered with the American Family Lawyers Association, social networks play a major role in separations, so much so that the American courts have stated that a judge can order a spouse to hand over the password to his/her Facebook to the court. In fact, social networks have the power of restoring relationships and acquaintances, of making new friends with a simple “add” or “follow.” One click is all it takes to fall into a thousand temptations, especially if one is going through a difficult time.

 3. Social networks increase the risk of isolation and grooming

For years now, we’ve been saturated with connections, which makes it almost unthinkable that we could really experience deep loneliness. And yet, for more than five years, the feeling of loneliness has been on the rise due to this hyper-connectedness, which has not only failed to help “fragile” individuals to stop isolating themselves, but has actually given rise to a new malaise of our times: digital loneliness. We have to add to this problem of loneliness and the substitution of real life the danger of being lured in. How many “blind dates” are proposed and followed up on that were initiated on social media? How many of these dates endanger young girls especially, who feel flattered and take these deceitful men up on their offer? It is always better to date people who we get to know in real life. Social networking is for cementing relationships that already exist, not for creating them!

4. One can fall into virtual romantic relationships that not only are not founded in love, but don’t actually exist!

Who hasn’t heard surreal stories of long-distance fictitious relationships that lasted for years and existed only behind a screen?

We’ve heard tales about scams that happen to people whose “virtual romantic relationship” never really existed. The relationships were created just to pull one over on the victims. Why do we settle for this type of attention?

In order to fill an emotional void, one might cling to a few sentences written in a chatroom. One ends up settling for inauthentic relationships. If, of course, the underlying problem is emotional trauma, then social networks only worsen these wounds, rather than heal them.

Social media becomes a form of compensation that fills a need – or so it seems.

5. Fictitious relationships on social media take time away from potential real relationships

We all have friends who are far away, and sometimes boyfriends and girlfriends live far away from their partner. Social media makes it possible to maintain a relationship at a distance. It is undeniable, however, that meeting each other is totally different than keeping in touch via the phone or computer; nevertheless, connection is important. Social media keeps us up to date with others and feel close to them, even at a distance. What’s important to keep in mind is that friendship and love begin in the real world, not the virtual one. A journalist of Punto Famiglia, an Italian family web portal, Ida Giangrande, has this take on Tinder: “The soul is seen through ordinary dating… The perfume I wear, the words I say, the way I say them… Everything shows the other my soul, but to get there, we have to go back to dating in reality. Let’s try to use technology for what it’s intended.” You have to ask yourself: Ultimately, is social media helping me in my real relationships, or are they robbing me of time much better spent investing in them in real life?