Pilar Velilla Flores
The word “home” designates a place where a person lives with others with a
sense of security and calm. These are the minimum characteristics of such a
human space according to Wikipedia.es. Actually, home is much more than a
safe space. But let’s leave the definitions aside for now.
Unfortunately, creating a home is not trendy. Either because young people
think they have to make the most of the time they have before being “tied
up”, or because of their fear of commitment, the fact is that home is
associated with lack of freedom and boredom.
However, men and women need and seek that sense of security that comes from
having a place to return to. Sooner or later, they realize that creating a
family and putting down roots is what really gives security and comfort.
I propose some ideas as a fruit of my personal experience, made of
successes and mistakes, of how to transmit that beauty of creating a home.
The first idea is the importance of the example. Those of
us who embraced the adventure of being married and having children have the
joyful moral duty to show the truth of this commitment. And we should do it
without tiring sermons or solemn words. The example leads, the example
seduces. An image is worth more than a thousand words. If the others see us
happy in spite of difficulties and problems, we will be giving a kind image
of what it means to create a home.
Bringing guests home, having the doors always open, is
another valuable feature of making a home. A home is not a closed
environment that isolates. Friends, family, anyone should be welcome home.
Again, the example is closely related to this idea. If they see us and like
what they see, they will wish to copy it.
Another fundamental aspect is creating traditions. And I
don’t mean just celebrating the usual traditions – for example, the
nativity scene at Christmas – but also creating new ones that are specific
to each family: the family film and pizza on Fridays, the special breakfast
on each birthday, etc. There should be traditions that invite you to stay
at home. And if possible, they should be amusing.
Believe it or not, order and organization at home also
have a positive influence on creating a home. Establish routines. Do “DIY“. Make feel the others
comfortable at home. If we have everything upside down, without rhyme or
reason, our mood will also be “untidy”. And we unlikely will feel like
coming home, inviting people over. These are not my words; the “order
gurus” who are so trendy now say it too. Even these influencers, modern
prophets of order, talk a lot about having less things, breaking the
patterns of this consumerist vortex that invades people in developed
countries.
And, closely linked to this point, there is the value of shared domestic tasks. If we show to both boys and girls
from a young age the beauty of creating a home through assignments, such as
setting the table, taking out the garbage, cooking… we are teaching them
that home belongs to everyone and it must be taken care of.
“Everything is celebrated at home.” A good grade, an engagement, a
graduation has to be celebrated. It does not matter what it is. The point
is to celebrate the good news and make the person who
shares it feel special. Celebration is synonymous with joy, union and
feast.
Avoiding jokes
against marriage and family is also a good help. These jokes do nothing but
underestimate commitment and real Love. Any examples? “The keys to marriage
are ESC for the man and CTRL for the woman,” implying that the woman exerts
control over the man and the man escapes from his commitments. They may be
funny, but they do not help anyone who is hesitating to start a family.
Also, when the children are bigger, it is good for them to spend a few days
in a camp or a volunteer activity
outside, so that they miss the comforts of having a home.
A good marriage and family communication is necessary,
with assertiveness as the banner. If we express our needs with kindness
within the four walls, we will speak about our families with respect and
gratitude when talking to others. And one thing must be clear, and that is
that dirty laundry is washed at home. It’s one thing to tell a
friend about our problems, but it’s quite another to let go of everything
that happens at the first sign of trouble.
And inside the house, it is important that there is a place to let off steam, a place where mom or dad, even a
brother or sister, can be found. Even if, as the wise Leopoldo Abadía says
in his conferences, “at home, you have to keep the window down at all
times” for the children, for your spouse or for friends…
And of course, last but not least, home must be a place of affection and forgiveness, as in the parable of the
prodigal son. It should be a place to return to because you are loved for
who you are, not for what you have or for your successes.
